sábado, febrero 23, 2008

Así Soy (Autobiografía ELF - 1ª Parte)


Me he decidido, a modo de entretenimiento, y animado por Celco, a escribir una breve pero jugosa autobiografía, para escarnio propio y disfrute de los ojos ajenos.


El
primer recuerdo que tengo es el de unas monjitas que me cuidaban mientras mis padres trabajaban impartiendo clases a otros niños algo mayores que yo. Vivía en Montijo, un pequeño pueblo situado muy cerca de Badajoz, ciudad que me vio nacer.

También recuerdo el recinto que rodeaba mi casa, un solo bloque de viviendas al final de un largo camino franqueado por árboles, seguramente encinas. A la espalda del bloque se abría un descampado en el que soltaban a los niños a jugar sin temor, pues estabamos bien protegidos por una alta valla infranqueable. Allí pasaba yo el tiempo con una perra llamada Laika, a la que asesinó algún vecino cruel con matarratas, cuya imagen sigue llenándome de melancolía cuando la veo en alguna fotografía. Yo sin embargo no me reconozco, y he llegado a pensar que en mi casa de entonces no tenía que haber espejos, o al menos no a mi altura, porque es curioso cómo soy capaz de recordar el edificio, el descampado, a mis padres o a Laika y por el contrario no hacerlo conmigo mismo.

Nací en 1972, justo un año antes de la crisis del petróleo, y en plena decadencia de la cruel dictadura de Franco que asoló al país y sus posibilidades. Hoy todavía arrastramos la sucia inmundicia de casi cuarenta años de represión cateta y mezquina. Aquel año mi padre compró un televisor Philips en blanco y negro para poder ver las Olimpiadas de Múnich, que se celebraron el mismo verano que me vio nacer. Lo hice un 22 de julio, último día de Cáncer, según el zodíaco. Mi madre me dice que estuvimos a punto de no contarlo ninguno de los dos, y la única secuela que me lo recuerda es un achatamiento alargado de la parte posterior de mi cabeza, pues tuvieron que sacarme con fórceps. Está visto que ya desde entonces tenía cierta desconfianza hacia el mundo que me aguardaba. Muchas veces he pensado si no hubiera sido mejor haber acabado con todo allí mismo, hundido para siempre en el confortable y protector vientre materno.

Aquel año, por ubicarnos en el tiempo, una vez que ya lo hemos hecho someramente en el espacio, triunfaban filmes como Cabaret o El Padrino y canciones como Yo no soy esa, de Mari Trini, o Algo de mí, de Camilo Sexto. El Madrid ganaba la Liga, y en televisión arrasaba un programa que seguro que nadie recuerda: Un, dos, tres...

Entrevistamos a unos vecinos de Enrique Laso en aquella época, los señores Márquez, Severino y Angustias, para ilustrar desde un ángulo externo esta excelsa biografía:

- Nosotros nos acabábamos de casar, ¿sabe?
- Pero sí, si que nos acordamos. Era el niño imbécil ese que se pasaba el día tirándose de un árbol y jugando al fútbol con una piedra.
- ¿Pero ése no era el hijo de tu hermana?
- No empecemos, Severino.
- Entonces si me acuerdo. Aunque como le digo estabamos recién casados... y ya sabe... estábamos a otra cosa...
- Anda, anda... Era un niño algo huraño. Creo que tenía displexia...
- Dislexia...
- ¡Bueno, pues eso! El muy idiota decía checo, en lugar de coche, y nos despistaba a los vecinos. Desde luego que no era un niño muy normal, ya me comprende...
- Oiga, ¿y por qué nos preguntan ahora por él? ¿Es que ha matado a alguien?

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Creo que debo de sentirme halagado.

Yo lo que quiero es que hables de mí, de modo que acelera para llegar al momento en que empiezo a aparecer.

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